I never wanted to be a teacher, I absolutely hated school. As soon as I was done, I couldn't get out of there fast enough.
I made a commitment with myself to never step foot in a school after leaving at 18. So I ended up working for the local government, at some point in a leadership position.
In this job I became more and more frustrated and felt like I am achieving nothing. Eventually I burned out and went into deep depressions.
After recovering I decided to sign in to the university of life what felt much more exciting and alive. My own experience inspired me to give people the education I missed.
My mom was a schoolteacher and one of the inevitable questions of my childhood was: “Do you also want to become a teacher like your mother?”.
Over time the answer without even thinking about it was: “No!”. Not only I was not interested, I was actively opposed to even the possibility to teach in a school.
I saw her sitting until late at night correcting from my perspective boring homework. She was writing valuations and giving marks, what I already assumed in young age says nothing about who you really are as a person.
As I came to primary school I simply hated to get up early in the morning. It was not fun at all. Also none of my teacher’s really inspired me.
It got worse, particularly in the fifth and sixth year. Apart form art, geography and languages nothing excited me. There was always that friction, and I was simply bored.
Looking back I am seriously questioning, for what all the years of collecting those information’s and the pressure of even remembering them. I felt that everything was very tightly controlled and most of the stuff I never used again in my life.
There was also a time where I was bullied in school, it where months of hell. No one of the authority figures seems to have the social and emotional abilities to support the situation and create harmony in the collective.
As I came on my spiritual path I had to release a lot of this old pain, unexpressed emotions and trauma from school time. I remember myself being in an Ashram having lunch with a bunch of people as one woman was haring that she home schooled her children – This made me burst into tears and the words where bubbeling out of my mouth: “I wish I never had to go to school!”. It was big.
And now as I am holding more and more retreats, workshops, online program’s and private mentoring sessions, I am slowly growing into the role of actually being a teacher. Well, in a bit of a different way of course, haha…
No one taught us about love in school. Most of us haven’t learned how to love fully.
We will immerse ourselves in nourishing feminine embodiment practices, visit magical places like Goddess Tanit’s cave and have a powerful sunset ritual at Es Vedra.
I have had really amazing spiritual teachers on my own journey and still I sometimes feel like – I don’t know what I am doing or, can someone please tell me how to do that. Is there a manual?
In this not knowing what is right and what is wrong seems to be the magic. Maybe that is the secret. Being with the unknown. Always staying a student.
Making myself as empty as possible to allow the mystery to unfold. Inviting people into a deep journey of self-exploration and staying present with what ever comes up with the openness to change direction in any moment.
Letting source be my guide to feel what is needed rather than getting stuck with an idea or linear manual. Making people and their emotions more important than the topic.
At some point in my last retreat I had the feeling that I am not even teaching anything. I thought I should explain more or share more in depth details with words.
But what happens as we gather in an ocean of love is a natural blossoming for every flower involved.
Of course there a practices and technics but we are simply learning by being with each other as human beings. Becoming a mirror and teacher for each other. Supporting each other with love. That is the medicine.
The only thing I can do is to create a safe space and invite people into an embodied experience.
I feel we learn most efficient when we are in a relaxed state. So I love to create moments of silence, long slow deep breaths, lot’s of touch and integration time.
I trust the process, my impulses as well as my students own inner wisdom and truth.
My willingness to burn in the fire and facing my own fears and insecurities allows me to be vulnerable and authentic. This gives others the permission to do the same.
Before the first Yoni Egg workshop I taught I was very worried about the whole thing, thinking that as much as I love the topic of femininity and sacred sexuality, all those negative feelings were going to come back, remembering my time at high school and how I felt sick in my stomach most of the mornings.
But to my surprise, this feeling left in the moment I opened the space with a meditation. I certainly never enjoyed a working day that much ever.
I love what I am teaching. It’s brings me so much pleasure and in that I give myself completely.
I care for people in a world that is mainly ruled by fear. Guiding them with a sense that their life will be transformed by love after fills my heart with joy.
In school we learn to earn for living but not to live life fully guided by our own hearts.
As I am speaking to the hearts of others I am staying connected to the altar of my own heart. My voice carries the flavour of love, acceptance and non-judgement.
And over the last year I learned to not take things to serious what results in lot’s of joyful laughing transmissions that my students really enjoy.
Being in service of love excited me and makes me very humble at the same time.